I didn’t email this update at the time…
In June we lost our house and our independence. We found ourselves in a series of dirty, cramped and disorganized living situations. Over the next few months we straightened up the basement and the rest of the house after moving the rest of our possessions from Dallas. We made a mess into our home, but faced several challenges along the way.
Our master plan called for us to return to Dallas every five weeks to keep up with Sarah’s allergy shots, the kids’ doctors, and Julie’s feeding supplies. We would continue this routine until December when we needed to renew food stamps or I got a job. We learned later that using our benefits across state lines was perfectly permissible while caring for an aging parent. We certainly qualified.
My mother, Helen, had several chronic conditions including macular degeneration of the eyes, a knee replacement, and a missing colon. She benefits greatly from having me in the house with her. For example, although she can still drive, her eye problems made driving difficult, so I took her on most of her outings (doctors and shopping). Reading grew harder, so I took over finances, bills, and most legal issues.
Her artificial knee and advancing arthritis made walking difficult. She fell from time to time whenever she lost her balance. I helped her navigate the world and fetched/carried as needed. I would guide her into stores, or on very bad days would bring her an electric cart. I (un)loaded the car and brought goods into the house.
Helen nearly died about ten years ago. After suffering from Crone’s disease for nearly twenty years, her colon began to bleed out. She lost consciousness multiple times in the ER from blood loss. Stabling her yielded only limited results, so her doctor removed her colon (i.e. large intestine) and connected her small intestine to the anus. This saved her life while allowing her to expel solid waste normally. Unfortunately, the colon removes a lot of water so Helen suffers from chronic diarrhea and uncontrollable urges to get to the bathroom. Sometimes, she doesn’t always make it to the toilet.
I cleanup the bedroom, hallways, bathroom, etc. whenever she doesn’t make it. In addition, I clean her panties since she refuses to wear adult diapers. On the days when I can convince her to wear a diaper, she insists on wearing panties underneath. I think you get the picture. I’m constantly cleaning tile, carpets and the toilet. I wash a bucket of panties in the basement slop-sink from time to time. All told, it’s the most filthy and disgusting job anyone can do.
Helen assumed her daughter-in-law would gladly volunteer for the honor of rinsing her dirty dainties, but I couldn’t imagine asking Sarah to do any such thing. I didn’t think “better or worse” quite covered this situation, so Sarah runs the washing machine/dryer and delivers the clean clothes to Helen.
The first order of business after moving in consisted of reducing and reorganizing enough of Helen’s possessions so that we could setup our household. I gradually worked my way through the mice nests in the basement and pitching trash. I collected common items into large piles, sorted them into storage boxes and put them away. At the same time, Sarah and I unpacked our boxes and placed our necessities where we could use them. By the end of October, I had cleaned every room, closet, and cabinet in the house and garage. We had endless piles of stuff throughout the house constantly revolving as I moved to a new place.
Each trip to Dallas (every five weeks) held it’s own challenges and appointments. The goals of the July trip included: see Julie’s cardiologist, rent a uHaul truck and move the rest of our possessions to Saint Louis.
One hundred miles from Dallas, Adam began to vomit while strapped on his back to his car-seat. Sarah struggled to stop the Expedition on the side of the road, and I jumped out (before the car stopped) and raced around to Adam’s door. With 50-ton trucks whipping 70 mph just a few feet from me in the dark on a curved road, I struggled to release Adam from his 5-point harness and allow him to breathe again. As I pulled him up, he let loose with another stream which hit the seat back, door and my shirt. I carried him to the safe side of the car turned him over on his stomach to help him clear his throat and mouth. Sarah came around and took him from me while I opened the back of the SUV to open a place where we spent the next 45 minutes cleaning Adam and his car-seat.
We spent the next three hours slowly completely our journey to Dallas. Every 15-30 minutes, Adam wretched and heaved another round as he purged his tiny body. Eventually, we gave up on the car-seat and Sarah held him in her arms. Once in the hotel, we called Adam’s pediatrician and got some sound medical advice – wait a little while longer. We got to bed after 3 am.
We did our appointments Tuesday (including a trip to the pediatrician) and got back to hotel late in the evening exhausted. Adam’s sickness hit both Sarah and Julie that night. The hotels washer/dryer didn’t work, and we had run out of cloths, rags and towels, so I looked for a laundry-mat inbetween renting a uHaul truck and loading the first half of our possessions. With temps over 105 degrees and Adam’s sickness coming on strong, I couldn’t finish loading the truck. Help wouldn’t arrive until Friday evening, so I spent Thursday bent over the toilet. We drove to STL on Saturday, July 12th, rode hard and put up wet.
Helen’s church friends came over Sunday afternoon and unloaded the truck in less than one hour. I managed to unload the frig, washer and dryer before they arrived, but couldn’t manhandle the rest of the furniture. We donated several of the larger, heavier items towards a group collecting furniture for international college students (who arrive in the states with no furniture). The basement and garage had piles of stuff for weeks until I sorted through everything.
The trips in August and September were almost as hectic, but without the illness and life-threatening situations. Sarah and the kids did better with each successive trip. We had less luggage, fewer/shorter stops, and much less drama. Each trip included freighting items to/frow, doctors’ appointments, seeing friends and checking on packages/mail. We celebrated Adam’s birthday in August.
Our last emergency occurred on July 20th. Sarah screamed the kind of blood curdling cry that need only be experienced once to understand. She muttered as she carried Adam’s body up the stairs to where I sat speaking to Helen. Adam lay stiff as a board totally unresponsive. I checked his mouth for obstruction, but couldn’t pry his jaw open. Sarah called 911 while I continued to check Adam for any apparent injury. He had pulled himself up on his feet as he had just learned, but let out a sudden cry and fell like a board on his back. Sarah scooped him up and carried him upstairs.
The doctor at the ER said this febrile seizure occurs in infants under one year old (Adam was nearly one when it occurred). We don’t have to worry unless he has another incident. Adam apparently had a sudden high fever (in excess of 103 by the time we checked his temp). His little body didn’t know how to handle it, so it checked out. The proper proportions of nursing and Tylenol reduced his fever and he returned to his cheery self in a couple of hours. Mom and Dad needed stronger medicine and much longer recovery time to recuperate.
We had several more minor sickness as we passed germs around the house, but nothing like the stuff we got in July.
Our cars, on the other hand, got sick practically every trip down to Dallas. While fighting sickness, extreme heat, and moving issues on the July trip, our car racked up nearly $2K in repairs. In total, we had vehicles in the car hospital five times in three months. Our Ford Expedition still has suspension problems, but I can’t get replicate it while at the shop.
Adam began walking at the end of July and into the beginning of August. He might have started earlier, but he lost some time due to our move. By the end of September he could waddle very quickly from one end of the basement to the other. We attempted to corral him in safe play areas of the basement using bean bag chairs, pillows and large stuffed animals. That lasted about a week before he began throwing himself into the barriers and crawling over the top. Instead of a barrier, he made them into an obstacle course. He ‘s all boy!
Julie had began drinking from a syringe at the beginning of the year. Instead of falling back, she has continued to excel at drinking water and soda. She does very well with a 60ml syringe.
Not much progress in other feeding issues.
She continues to try new things, but nothing has really caught on.